It’s easy to feel good about your life when you have a clearly defined set of goals you’re working towards. You seem to be making steady progress and things are just coming together, for whatever reason. While this situation is great and is what we’re all more or less looking for, it’s not exactly as common as we might all want it to be.
Quite often, even the most driven and naturally optimistic people find themselves in positions where things just don’t feel right. When you have a sense that something just doesn’t feel right but you can’t really identify what it is, that can be a very stressful, frustrating, and uncomfortable place to be. If you’re finding yourself in this situation, you want to stop and ask yourself a few questions. Asking them may help you figure out just what’s holding you back or making it difficult for you to feel as though you’re living your “best life.”
Are you in the right line of work?
As a Career Strategist, I believe this is a good place for you to start. Many gurus and coaches have argued, you shouldn’t try to follow your passion, but rather find something you’re good at and pursue that career. The passion will come as you gain more experience and success.
That’s all well and good but, it’s also true certain lines of work are just more well-suited to certain people. Most people need to feel as though their jobs are serving some true purpose and add value to society. When they do, it contributes to them having an overall fulfilling and satisfying life. For example, people-oriented careers, such as nursing and teaching, may well be essential for naturally nurturing and empathic people.
It doesn’t matter how great your career is or how much money you make if your work isn’t in alignment with what you value, something will feel out of balance for you. There are some careers I know I would be miserable in because they don’t align with who I am and what I believe in.
Now, if you are just starting your career, know there are some jobs you have to do to gain experience to grow in your field. Some people say it’s paying your dues because they aren’t always the “fun” jobs. But, keep your goal in mind and know it’s just one step on the journey you are taking. It will all be worth it in the end.
Are you spending too much time focused on goals for the future, as opposed to living life today?
James Clear, the author of the successful book, “Atomic Habits”, argues in some detail that it’s better to focus on everyday systems, and routines, than on the actual goals you set.
In this, he is specifically building on a point made by the famous cartoonist Scott Adams, who has previously made the controversial point that “goals are for losers, systems are for winners.” The basic idea here is that when you spend too much of your time focusing on goals for the future, you put yourself in a weak and dissatisfied state. Satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment is always something out there you are working towards, but never quite attaining. If and when you do achieve a particular goal, you’re just left with a void in your life. You’ll have to set a new goal in order to regain momentum.
The idea of “systems,” is that it’s better to focus on everyday habits and routines. These everyday habits will turn you into the kind of person you want to be right now. You no longer have to wait until some point in the future. In other words, the emphasis shifts to living properly today, rather than striving to be a success down the line. In theory, good systems will still have the potential to make you highly successful in various areas of your life. But, you will achieve success while being in a continuous state of confident satisfaction, as opposed to deprivation and yearning.
So what could a good daily “system” look like? Well, to take the example of fitness, a productive daily “system” could be something like cycling to work and back. A “goal” on the other hand, would be “I will lose 20 lbs by December 12.”
Learn to set goals but focus on the daily systems so you can live life today.
Are you getting in your own way with bad habits?
While positive habits, in the form of systems, can clearly improve your life in various ways, it’s worth pointing out negative habits can do exactly the opposite. These negative habits can be at the root of a lot of dissatisfaction and failure.
If you feel chronically dissatisfied and uneasy about the way your life is playing out, it’s important to ask yourself whether you might be getting in your own way. Maybe you want to be in a better mood, have higher energy levels or have a greater sense of confidence and vitality. However, you have a bad habit of staying up watching late night TV. If those are things you truly value, not getting enough sleep could undermine every one of those points.
Obviously, letting go of bad habits can be difficult. However, regaining a sense of satisfaction and contentment in life can be as simple as removing a negative habit loop from your routine.
Are you being genuine and true to yourself, or are you trying too hard to keep up a certain persona?
We all have certain “personas” that affect how we present ourselves publicly. For example, there may be a certain dress code you abide by when you go to work. Another example would be how you communicate with your friends and family. You may often choose to communicate in a way they can understand and appreciate as opposed to how you really want to express yourself. Often we allow our “personas” to be too strong and fail to be genuine and authentic. We feel as if there is a certain image we have to maintain. No one really gets to know who you really are.
If you frequently find yourself saying things you don’t actually believe just to fit in, the consequence is likely to be a major loss of your sense of self-respect and well-being. You can easily lose yourself and feel more like a robot then who you really are. Take steps to be genuine and true to yourself.
If you find yourself feeling stuck and as if you have lost an important part of you, stop and reflect on these four questions. You may not like the answers you come up with but you don’t want to stop there, with just answers. Think about your goals, create new habits and focus on the systems you have in place. If you’re not sure how to get started, send me an email and together we can start eliminating the blocks that have been holding you back. You deserve to live your best life, why not start now. Here’s to YOUR success!
Carolyn R. Owens has over 25 years of proven experience and serves as a Career Strategist, Leadership and Life Coach. She is the Chairwoman and CEO of Infinity Coaching, Inc. where they help you up-level your skills so you can up-level your income. Infinity Coaching, Inc. provides one-on-one and group coaching, organizational training, and personality assessments. Carolyn is certified to give both The Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Assessment. You can find out more about both assessments and other products and services at https://infinitycoaching.net.
