With the holidays right around the corner, many people are planning trips home to spend time with families and friends. Some are excited to be going to visit relatives, others not so much. Being YOU around family, especially family you don’t see often can be difficult.
As we go through life’s journey, we get to experience different events we are no longer the little kid people once knew. Some family members may not understand the person you have become. This can make it difficult when you come to visit. You may even find that you are more comfortable around strangers then you are your family and friends.
I have a client I worked with you hated going home during the holidays. I mean she really hated it. As we worked through it she came to realize it was because they didn’t fully accept the life she was living. She was always bombarded with tons of questions. Assumptions were made about her; it was just a really uncomfortable place to be. The hard part was, she really wanted to see and spend time with her family however she couldn’t tolerate the conditions, so she just stopped attending family events. After we worked together, she was able to try a few strategies and over time she learned to enjoy going home and it strengthened several of the relationships. If you are dreading going home for the holidays, here are seven things you can try to make it a more pleasant experience.
Mentally prepare.
Talk to your coach, mentor or a close friend before you go. Know how you will respond if certain questions are asked or perceptions are made about you. Mentally prepare to go home so when you need to you, can redirect the conversation by bringing up another topic or asking questions of your own.
What will you share?
Establish your boundaries by knowing what you are willing and not willing to talk about. Be ready to respond by saying so. For example, when asked if you are dating and you don’t want to provide details you could say, “Yes I have started dating someone. It’s not serious yet, I’ll let you when it gets there.” Or simply say, I don’t want to talk about this right now. When I am ready I will. I hope you will respect my choice.” Do not feel obligated to answer any questions. They may not be happy with your answer, but you will have responded in a way that makes you feel comfortable and safe.
Go with a positive mindset.
If you start out on your visit with the mindset things are going to be bad, it’s likely they will. You are bringing all this negative energy with you that can create an atmosphere of distrust raising your insecurity and lowering your confidence. You can create a whole scenario your mind, making things much worse than they really are. However, if you come with a positive mindset, others can generate positive energy from you. When you feel the energy start shifting and going to a negative place, just start smiling.
Put on your Armor of Confidence.
When you start thinking of the upcoming visit do feelings of insecurity begin to rise inside of you? Those things you once thought about yourself start coming back. I’m not worthy. I didn’t take the career path my parents wanted me to, so I must be a disappoint me. I know someone is going to say something about my weight. Yep, someone may say something to you that triggers these thoughts. You must pause and on our armor of confidence knowing, you are not that person. You are strong, beautiful and confident. Hold your head up high and keep a smile on your face.
Don’t pass judgment.
If you don’t like when someone asks you a bunch of questions and judges your life, don’t be the one doing it to someone else. You know how it makes you feel so don’t pressure someone to talk about something they don’t want to talk about. Respect their boundaries. Let them know, when you are ready, I am here for you.
Leave on a positive note.
If someone does say something you don’t like, don’t get into an argument. Take a deep breath and let the comments bounce right off you. You don’t have to own the negative thoughts. And, is it worth destroying the relationship? They may not have realized what they said or how it made you feel. Anything could happen between the time you see your family and friends again so always try to leave on a positive note. If it does require a follow-up conversation, you do have that conversation once you are back home and had a chance to think things over.
Have patience.
People may not understand why you don’t answer certain questions or how you remain so calm when the pressure is on. They may keep asking you over and over again but have patience. After a while, they will focus their attention on something else or it may just become humorous to you and you find yourself laughing and giving them a hug when they ask.
This holiday season don’t avoid spending time with people who mean the most to you. Take time to visit and be who you truly are when with them. Appreciate their differences, quirks and all the questions they ask you. Life is short, and you never know when the last time you see them will be.
Carolyn R. Owens has over 25 years of proven experience and serves as a Career Strategist, Executive and Leadership Coach. She is the President of Infinity Coaching, Inc. where she can help you up-level your skills, so you can up-level your income, career, business or life. Infinity Coaching, Inc. provides one-on-one and group coaching, organizational training, personality assessments, and a signature program, the Infinity Coaching Inner Circle. Carolyn is certified to give both The Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Myers Briggs Type Indicator Assessment. You can find out more he about both assessments and other products and services at https://infinitycoaching.net.
