If you have been following my recent posts, you may have read about how happiness comes before success, well at least happiness should come before success. However, most of us are taught to do things the other way. To be happy, you must be successful, possessing material objects, surrounded by “friends”, etc., etc. Bestselling author and world-class speaker, Dr. Steve Taubman, teaches his clients how to break through this way of thinking and how to create a happy, joy-filled, peaceful life regardless of what you are experiencing. It begins by knowing your enemy.
Know your enemy
Too often we think the enemy is this person or thing that isn’t the way we want it to be. We think someone did something to us to make us feel bad. Then, we want that person to take it back, apologize or to feel just as bad as we do. They have to change things and fix it, so we will feel better. You think the problem is outside of you, someone else caused it and therefore they are the obstacle or enemy. This is not knowing your enemy.
Dr. Taubman explains, knowing your enemy is realizing if someone did something and you feel upset, the true enemy is the feeling you have inside. You may be having feelings of anger, hatred, resentment, and bitterness inside you. You think you need to get the person to do something, so you don’ t have to feel this way. To you, they are the enemy. However, the true enemies are the thoughts and feelings you are having. Stop to ask yourself what it is you really want to overcome. Do you want to overcome the person you believe upset you or the feelings inside of you? What you really want to overcome is the feeling inside of you.
What’s the quickest way to do this? The quickest way is to divorce yourself from the need to get someone else to change.
Stop thinking it is someone else’s problem.
You must stop thinking it is someone else’s problem and own your feelings. Dr. Taubman suggests that in that moment if you are going to strive for happiness you have to think to yourself, something happened and right now my mind and body are being filled with negativity. You can continue to generate more negativity, or you can take control and not allow the negative feelings to take over.
Take a moment and observe the feelings you are having. Recognize you are not these feelings. Embrace the feelings and let them go. Let go of the tension and the negative thoughts. The negativity will start to go away. You never have to go after that person or destroy the thing you thought was the enemy.
You may be thinking but no, I must defend myself. I can’t let him talk to me like that. Or, you allow whatever happened to steal your joy. You focus on it all day and you are just simply miserable. Your mind begins to fill with all of the negative things you can do and say. You may want to give up on your goals or dreams. No way you can let go of what happened. It’s just eating you up inside. One of the hardest mind shifts to have is to not to want to defend yourself. Like Superman, you must become bulletproof.
Be like Superman
As a kid, Dr. Taubman loved watching Superman shows and movies. He had felt so much pain and negativity growing up but when he watched the shows he saw how to deal with negative thoughts. Superman would stand there with hands on hips and people would shoot him. The bullets would bounce right off and Superman would just laugh.
All through life you will get psychological bullets shot at you. The emotional bullets that cause us to have negative thoughts and feelings. Many people will have the psychological bullets shot at them and spend the rest of their lives talking about why and how miserable they are.
Then there are people who get psychological bullets shot at them and they just bounce off. How do you become the person for whom the bullets just bounce off? How do you allow yourself to not be affected by it and become miserable? You aren’t affected because you are centered, confident and happy inside and you know how to process your own emotions. You know who the true enemy is.
When you know how to process your own emotions you don’t need anyone else or something to protect you from your emotions. You don’t have to feel lonely. You don’t have to have distractions, so you aren’t bored. There is no need for admirers, to make you feel big in this world. It all goes away because you are Superman or Superwoman. You can stand in your power and strength.
You know you are more than your thoughts
Being confident and at peace doesn’t mean the bullets won’t be flying your way or you won’t pick up the bad guy and fly them to the jail. It doesn’t mean you stop caring about the world. It means you are not being wounded at every turn along your journey. You know you are more than the thoughts and limitations that come your way.
By understanding your enemy and practicing this technique by Dr. Taubman, you can shift your mindset so anytime this happens, regardless of what it is and how justified you think you are to respond in a negative way, you will embrace your feelings and turn the negative into a positive. The moment you realize you are in a negative state, put your attention on that negative state because it is the true enemy you must beat. Focus on what the feeling is, what you need to solve, the inner turmoil, without having to fix anyone and let go.
Knowing your true enemy, you can train your mind to think and attract more positive thoughts, creating more joy, beauty, and happiness in your life.
In his book, Buddha in the Trenches, Dr. Steve Taubman provides more strategies and tips for creating happiness in your life. You can also listen to my full interview of him, “Staying Positive In A Negative World” on “Let’s Coach”.
Carolyn R. Owens has over 25 years of proven experience and serves as a Career Strategist, Executive and Leadership Coach. She is the President of Infinity Coaching, Inc. where she can help you up-level your skills, so you can up-level your income, career, business or life. Infinity Coaching, Inc. provides one-on-one and group coaching, organizational training, personality assessments, and a signature program, the Infinity Coaching Inner Circle. Carolyn is certified to give both The Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Myers Briggs Type Indicator Assessment. You can find out more he about both assessments and other products and services at https://infinitycoaching.net.
