Right now, all over the world, many relationships are being tested. Relationships are tested when you are forced to stay at home, and you are limited as to where you can and what you can do. Some people have no option but to self-isolate. Others are put into quarantine, while doctors and government leaders discover how to control COVID-19. These extreme measures can put a strain on some relationships, especially closely-knit families who see each other often and do things together.
We are in all types of relationships, from work, family, friends, intimate relationships, and even friends with benefits. After being indoors, or for some, away from each other, it can put a strain on things or open your eyes to things you never noticed, causing you to have that what the heck moment. Since the virus has been spreading, one of the biggest things people have reached out to me about is about their relationships.
The longer you’re home…
For so many people, this is the first time they have been around someone for this many hours, day after day. The longer you are home, the different feelings, attitudes, and behaviors start to creep up. As one person put it, “it’s not that I don’t love my husband. It’s just being around him soo much.” When you get married, or you have that special someone in your life, you don’t think you are going to be in this type of situation. Who plans for this? For better or worse, are often words that are taken for granted until the worse comes.
If you think about how much time you spend at work, then you come home and cook dinner. After dinner, you may help the kids with schoolwork. Or, maybe after work, you are running errands. As much as some of those errands were a pain to do, it also gave you a moment to yourself. During the drive, you might be in the car listening to your favorite music. When you are at the store, you stop and say, “Hey,” people you regularly see. It is everyday interaction you, we, took for granted.
And, there all the other things that come into play. There is concern about the health of loved ones and financial pressures. All of this adds up, and it’s easy to take it out on the person or people who are right there with you. And let’s not forget about the fear.
There are many people out there who are living in fear right now. They have very little hope and faith. So, imagine if you have one very calm spouse who does not understand why their partner is so worried. Or how about if both people are stressed, afraid, and panicking.
If your relationship was strained before this, it’s even amplified now…
People are finding out they are not living with who they thought they were living with. As much as some people think you are going to be the same person day in and day out, life changes us. We are not meant to stay the same but to evolve. We go to college or in the military, we grow, we get married, have children, careers, or start a business. Then, out of nowhere, a virus shuts things down for a moment.
So, what can you do to strengthen your relationship during this time of being home, not alone but together? Here are a few strategies to get you started.
Acceptance and Understanding
People are talking about, “When things go back to the way they were.” News flash! Things are not going to back to precisely the way they were. There will be a new normal. How you prepare for that, how you will navigate through it, will make the difference.
Communicate
Talk to each other and be open and honest. Talking is the healthiest way of dealing with any issues related to emotions. If you want your relationship to survive a lockdown or to repair what was fragile, you must take some time to talk to each other. Talk about what’s going on, what you’re afraid of, and figure it out together. Talk about what you want to do when this is over. Where do you want to go, and what will you stop waiting for.
Manage Your Money
In a relationship, one of the easiest areas to start a disagreement around is money. You need to tackle the conversation before it reaches that point. If you never started a budget, start one now. Most people have no idea how much money they have in their checking or savings account. They don’t know how much money is in their retirement fund. Along with not knowing what they have, they don’t know how much they owe. Take time, as a couple, to review your financial situation. If you are stuck and need assistance, consider working with a financial coach such as Dakota Grady or Chella Diaz.
Know What You Value
Walkthrough a values exercise to remind you of what is important to you in a relationship. Most people think they should treat others how you want to be treated. Often that comes in conflict with what they want. You don’t have to like or want to do the same things. I wouldn’t mind if I were dating a guy who wanted to go bungee jumping, skydiving, or skiing. I’m not going to do it, but I sure would be there to take pictures. Take time to check in with yourself and know what’s important to your partner or spouse.
Seek Coaching or Counseling
If you find yourself feeling so overwhelmed, seek out the assistance of a coach or counselor. Do not be afraid to do this. Too often, people let pride get in the way of taking this step when it’s needed. You want to if possible, go together and be open to the process. Go into it with no judgment. Be receptive and positive to whatever the outcome will be.
When a crisis occurs, people respond from a place of emotion. Judgment is clouded and people may overreact. Be careful you do not make a permanent decision during a temporary situation. That decision, the words that you say, the actions you take can cost you your family. You will be held accountable and must deal with the consequences.
Relationships will be tested, but you can persevere. If you want to learn additional steps you can take, listen to the episode “Relationships Tested During Times of Crisis” on Let’s Coach with Carolyn. Here’s to YOUR success!
Carolyn R. Owens has over 25 years of proven experience and serves as a Career Strategist, Executive, and Leadership Coach. She is the President of Infinity Coaching, Inc., where she can help you up-level your skills so that you can up-level your income, career, business, or life. Infinity Coaching, Inc. provides organizational training and one-on-one and group coaching. Carolyn is certified to give both The Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Myers Briggs Type Indicator Assessment. You can find out more about both assessments and other products and services at https://infinitycoaching.net.
